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Remembering and Honoring Your Child: Creative Ideas for a Celebration of Life

Remembering and honoring your child

When you are planning your child’s memorial or celebration of life, please remember: there are no rules. Whether you lean into religious and cultural traditions or create something entirely new, the goal is to honor your child in a way that feels true to them and sustainable for you. To help you get started, we’ve gathered several meaningful rituals from other families in our community.

Creating Lasting Memories
These activities allow guests to share their own connections with your child, giving you a collection of stories to hold onto later.

  • A Memory Tree: Set up a bare-branched tree (real or a cut-out) with paper hearts or butterflies nearby. Guests can write a memory and hang it on a branch.
  • The “Rock Garden”: Have smooth stones available for guests to write their names or a word of love on, creating a physical “garden” of the lives your child touched.
  • Postcard Stories: Provide postcards for people to write down their favorite stories about your child. These are easy to tuck away and read whenever you need them.
  • Fingerprint Art: Paint a tree on a canvas and provide ink pads. Guests can add a “leaf” with their fingerprint, creating a permanent piece of art for your home.

Celebrating Their Unique Spirit
Small touches can make the service feel more like a reflection of your child’s personality.

  • Wear Their Favorites: Invite guests to wear your child’s favorite color or character-themed clothing. It’s okay to tell people if you’d prefer they don’t wear black.
  • The Power of Play: Don’t be afraid to be unconventional. One family we know led the entire service in the Hokey Pokey because it was their child’s favorite song!
  • Favorite Things: Display their favorite stuffies, toys, or Legos. You might even give away small bags of their favorite candy or a single Lego brick as a “thank you” for guests to take home.
  • Temporary Tattoos: Create custom temporary tattoos using photos of your child for guests to wear during the ritual.

Navigating the Service
Sharing your heart can be overwhelming. Here is how to manage the “logistics” of grief:

  • Speak When You’re Ready: You are under no obligation to speak. If you have reflections you want shared but don’t feel up to reading them, ask a trusted friend or family member to read them on your behalf.
  • Encouraging Others: If you open the floor for sharing, pre-arrange 2 or 3 people to speak first. This “breaks the ice” for others who might be shy.
  • Supporting Young Friends: If your child’s peers want to speak, it helps to have an adult stand near them for support. It can be a big moment for a young friend.

A Note for You: > Please be kind to yourself during this process. You don’t have to do all of these things—or any of them. Pick the one thing that brings you a small sense of peace or a smile when you think of your child.

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Heather Jolly for site

Heather Jolly has been working with children with life limiting and life-threatening illness and their families for almost 30 years. She has worked as a medical social worker in hospitals and in home-based hospice and palliative care programs.

She is currently a pediatric oncology social worker at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland. She also works part time at By the Bay Kids, a pediatric palliative care and hospice program in the Bay Area. Heather is certified as a traumatic grief counselor and as an advanced hospice and palliative care social worker.

She has a special interest in helping children, siblings and parents cope with grief and anticipatory grief.

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